FATHER READS TM
The Newest Upgrade for your D.A.D. 2000 Parental Unit
By Nathan Goodmansen
Do you remember the sound of your father’s voice? Can you hear its timber in your dreams or his words inside your thoughts? How much does that voice affect the person that you are today? What do his words do to you?
It is hard to describe the importance of hearing a father speak, partly because they don’t seem to speak that often. Words have a different meaning to them because they’re men. Even boys have a difficulty finding their voice. It’s estimated that girls speak two to three times more words in a single day than boys do, and that trend continues through to adulthood. Perhaps for that reason Fathers always seem slightly mysterious. But there are deeper reasons why the voice of a father has so much resonance, reasons that are set somewhere in the recesses of the subconscious mind.
FATHER READS TM is an extremely simple program designed to tap into this incredible power source in answer to many of the problems plaguing society in our day and age. As we witness the corrosion of moral values in our nation and in the mainstream media there is an increasingly desperate feeling of asking what can be done. Media influences are consistently appealing to our baser natures (read carnal) to sell us on cultural ideals that are divorced from morality, teaching our children to value the wrong things in life, and making the job of parenting all the more difficult. Parenting needs to evolve to keep pace with our times and Fathers are going to be the next step in that evolution.
FATHER READS TM will ask men for a minimal sacrifice of their time and vocal chords for the sake of making the world a better place. But what if you’re a man who doesn’t have any children? Even just reading out loud to your spouse will help improve your relationship, develop deeper bonds of trust, and make you yourself more competitive as a 21st century man.
Unplugging the Television
It might be difficult for some to limit their viewership, but newer technologies are driving people away from the television already. Few people are willing to schedule their lives around their favorite shows and stories anymore. The problem is that so much of entertainment is now exactly that, on demand, and anytime we want it. Therefore it can easily crowd out more important things because it’s always there and available. The same is true of the internet. And most of what’s there looks pretty much like everything else, designed only to make us slightly less bored with ourselves but rarely offering us the opportunities to do something constructive with our time. We are literally entertaining ourselves to death, and finding very little fulfillment in the process.
This isn’t to say that entertainment is bad, it’s just not all that good. Getting the most out of entertainment is like choosing between eating candy or fruit, some candy some of the time is fine but it will make a person ill if it becomes their steady diet. Fruit on the other hand is also sweet but it’s also packed with a many other good things as well. Some claim that certain entertainments are educational, but mass produced entertainment is also highly processed. It’s designed to make more profit than to actually providing anything of value, and they’ll put any label the on the box they like if they think it might help it sell, even if the wholesomeness it advertises is mostly artificial.
The better plan is to know how to use real natural ingredients to make your own entertainment. But that doesn’t work a hundred percent of the time because most people are not blessed to be creative enough to provide entertainment for themselves or others completely on demand. And even the best trick to overcome boredom soon loses novelty.
FATHER READS TM is a means of getting the best of both worlds in homemade fun and mass produced entertainment providers, by creating an application where D.A.D. can replace much of the mindless amusement demands of the household with genuinely appreciated storytelling. With this new feature D.A.D. will suddenly become cool. If you don’t believe me read more!
The first step to FATHER READS TM is to decide upon a time everyday to unplug the video games, television, internet, cell phones, radio, or whatever, and experience the blessed hour of disconnection. Children may complain at first but they will secretly feel a bit relieved as well. As even the most expensive and cool devices become trite.
The next step is to go to your nearest library or bookstore and select a book, preferably with a good story to tell, so that probably means fiction. It need not be a book that the youngest member of the household can understand every word of, they certainly watch television they can’t completely understand so books shouldn't be too dumbed down for their sake if the father is reading them, but having strong elements of story is a must in order to engage children.
While Science Fiction and Fantasy consistently offer the best resource for good stories, some pieces of literature are also able to produce enjoyable stories as well. But whatever you do do not trust the experts or you will bore your children comatose. Get the word on the street, ask your children what kind of books they would like to read and see if you can compromise on a book that would interest yourself as well.
Even if you think you’ve got a winner test the book first. Even if the author is known to be a genius that does not mean that they are a genius at making their words connect to audiences in an auditory manner. Exceptional storytelling skill can compensate for the shortcomings of an author though, but for your first time out choose something easy to read so you can feel comfortable getting the flow and experimenting. If you have significant trouble reading out loud or are willing to devote more energy into making the story telling experience more fun try reading the chapter privately first before you read it out loud. Eventually storytelling skills will set in and intuitive abilities will take over, and you’ll be surprising even yourself at how much fun it is.
Reading a book is much slower than watching a movie, and reading out loud to others is even slower still. Don’t fight the slowness, embrace it. Even make certain characters talk faster or slower depending on their personality. Discover the ability to pause which might add drama, or be the perfect comedic reaction. The words are on the page, the story is there, but you must become the true storyteller. Revel in it. And you will begin relax even as your mind speeds through innumerable possibilities at hundred miles and hour. Even if you aren’t the best, it is very rare that anyone passes up a good story no matter who is reading it, so there’s no pressure at all, just do what you can to find out what your ability really is.
Reading to all of your children
The virtues of reading bedtime stories to children have been extolled for many years but it is somehow assumed that children should grow out of this need, after they learn to read for themselves.
Let me ask you a question: Do you no longer find it interesting to listen another human voice tell a story? Even without special effects or heart pounding music, does the human voice really have that much appeal? Surprisingly the answer is yes. It also has the better capacity to conjure up that intangible phenomenon called imagination. Listening to a story requires that the audience use more of their brains and intellect, and devoting far more of their attention than visual media can demand. The result is that people become individually more creative, deeper thinking, and less airy and out of touch.
So why should reading bedtimes stories to children have to stop at a certain age? Perhaps it’s not cool to have your parents tuck you in at night with Dr. Suess when you’re fourteen years old but, but this isn’t about teaching them to read anymore, it’s about having a special time everyday that is set aside for family togetherness and not mindless entertainment, by reading books that would garner the interest of every individual involved, even if that only consists of a man and his wife.
Men, observant creatures that they are, have noticed a peculiar phenomenon in how much their women really do like to cuddle. This is perfectly okay from the man’s point of view but often little excessive and just a bit boring. Yet their wives and girlfriends can’t get enough of it, and are often disappointed when their men get done too early. Sometimes they cuddle through movies but that often distracts them from what they really want to focus on which is the hunk they’re snuggling up to. However if a man reads out loud to his gal then he become the focus of attention and their wives and girlfriends are much happier.
Reading out loud offers the perfect balance between the needs of the two sexes. Men who read out loud can be focused on something else a little more exciting in their own estimation, (or less so in some cases) while women can cuddle to their heart’s content, and get a good story told to them out loud to boot.
This process was personally tested between myself and my fiancé who felt an extreme need to be with me, but was giving me a hard time in thinking pure thoughts simply because close proximity to attractive women really does that to men. That all changed as soon as I started reading out loud to her. Suddenly we could bothrelax as we weren’t worried anymore about crossing those lines, it slowed down the relationship and gave us the time we really needed together to discover one another, so that we could have a very moderate amount of physical intimacy while we both stayed chaste and temple worthy. While the storytelling gave me personally a greater sex appeal in her eyes, it simultaneously kept my mind off sex itself and rather more in the moment. (How many other things in life can do that for men? Today’s movies only make it worse.) Because of this our relationship progressed more evenly, and with confidence. However, I seriously warn against using this chastity strategy as a teenage dating tactic. It has a high marriage outcome, and shouldn’t be indulged in unless she’s already accepted the ring.
The cuddling phenomenon also extends to young girls for some reason, who have a hard time getting enough D.A.D. (Divinely Appointed Dude) in their lives. While being in the center of a cuddling competition between wives and daughters might well overwhelm a sensible man’s cuteness factor the reading of the book can easily tap into manhood’s exceptional skill at ignoring almost anything at all. There is no question why God saw fit to give men this essential talent so necessary for self preservation.
And then there are the needs of sons which is paramount. Girls can go cuddle each other to no end and get their fix taken care of. Boys cannot. Admittedly males need far less cuddling than females, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t need any at all. The hardest thing for a young boy to do is to ask for it, it’s not exactly a manly thing to admit to. And there is a high stigma attached especially as they get older and hit puberty. Teenage boys need hugs more than almost anybody else, and are the least likely to ask for one. Their strategy for getting their daily required affection usually revolves around sneaking hugs in when nobody is noticing or when they are distracted by something else, which also happens to be the reason that boys love tickle fights.
Having D.A.D. read out loud provides the perfect distraction campaign. While everyone else is listening to him a teenage boy can sneak a hug or two off a mom or a sister without the fuss it might stir up in other situations. And they have perfect deniability. They do have to move in closer to hear to the story after all.
Oftentimes we as a culture fail understand that part of family togetherness is literally just being together. Other forms of entertainment and indeed just reading a book by ourselves deny us that which we most hunger for. Why should Fathers read: Because it can feed their families emotionally in a way that is too ill accommodated in modern society, precisely because our society is so obsessed with sex, instead of hugs.
What’s in it for Dad
Every human being has a strong and pronounced need for personal attention. Dads often get too little (moms have their own issues as well but they genuinely prefer gratitude) and when they do get their kids attention it’s often in a negative fashion. Verbal skills, generally speaking, are not a man’s strong suit, because men cannot ever seem to forget that words have implications.
Yet this has become a major biological disadvantage as verbal and general communication skills become more and more important in our age. Increasing a man’s verbal skills increases their personal capacity to reason, define, and alter the world around them. It puts men on a slightly more equal footing with women in the 21st Century where good communication is often so vital to livelihood. It hones their skills so that they can become more adequate providers and enjoy better self esteem in a new world where grunting and killing things is seldom considered an employable profession, just a good side hobby. Except in times of war basic man instincts are often under utilized, and perhaps that’s for the best, but guys have got to find something more constructive to fill up their time.
The best way to gain verbal skills is to practice them, the difficulty is that men usually don’t want to, and most would reject doing so in anything resembling the feminine manner, for while it proves to be highly effective, it would also be incredibly embarrassing to most men. Guys first and foremost need to keep their complete manhood intact, it’s that important, and there really is only so much that can be done to get past the biological factor. Men can’t really be turned into new creatures, one can only play to their strengths and minimize their weaknesses.
The best way to get men to consistently verbalize (the new exercise sensation) is to make it as easy as possible from them to do. Don’t demand the mental gymnastics women do when they talk to each other, that is far and away too hard to comprehend. Give a man a script and he will read it. Make it an interesting script and they’ll enjoy themselves while they’re at it, and won’t even think about how much they’re helping themselves to grow communication skills.
Aside from the real benefits FATHER READS TM is above all to be a fun and relaxing activity. With enough practice words come effortlessly, and with skill can become something more. Ask any female singer and they will likely confess to you their jealousy of the range of octaves men can naturally produce with their vocal chords. A variance of pitch, tone, and accent can enliven characters in books and add little creative touches giving the reader the ability to make a personal contribution to the story as well.
Some might be too embarrassed to push their storytelling skill that far. It’s not good if people are laughing during the serious parts, or can’t understands the words, nonetheless the tend to be very understanding. Some men are afraid to as well because it requires scanning a passage to find the tag, then a mental transition into a new voice and attitude. Yet with a little practice this actually sounds more natural than reading it straight.
People pause just a moment before talking to each while they’re deciding what they’re going to say. It makes the characters sound thoughtful when they don’t speak right away, so the handicap of having to search for the tag is actually a blessing.
Dads don’t often get to be the stars of the show, and as amateur as we are, everyone loves to be an actor. The reason I suggest this specifically and directed towards men is that while I’m sure women would do fine men seen to and have a harder time feeling attachment to others, and getting a little bit outside their all too mature self seems to help. Part of that is cultural and part is genetic but it can be a real problem for them in maintaining well rounded lives. Men are more naturally lonely, and having this specific opportunity is a chance to remember that they are someone important and special. But by far the best reason to give them the job is because being a good reader also means becoming a good listener as they learn to interact with the most important audience that there is: their families.
While men often underestimate their contribution to family life they do understand the importance of passing on the knowledge, traditions, and experiences from one generation to the next. That’s sometimes hard to do without organizing a soap box speech which is seldom appreciated, but if instead a father finds opportunities to talk to his children about subjects they are immediately interested in because they are related to a story, he will teach his children far more effectively, and far more often than he realizes.
How Continued Reading Educates Children into their Teenage Years
Books aren’t movies. Stopping a movie ruins the flow of the story and for that reason people seldom do it, even when the traditional values they hold dear are ignored or cruelly mocked within the entertainment. This sets a terrible example to children, but it is very hard to take control of a movie once it’s begun, as the experience itself almost demands that one should let go. Books on the other hand can be stopped and put down at one’s own convenience.
With books there are also many more choices over what kind of material will be presented as well as depth of character development that can’t usually be communicated in a two hour flick. But most importantly there are also vital opportunities to provide the family with a chance to understand what your particular values really consist of through these characters, and why a parent might agree or disagree with the actions of a certain individuals within the story.
Going through the longer process of the story children will learn how their parents see the world as they engage in these types of impromptu discussions, and parents will learn about their child’s point of views as well, offering opportunities for course correction to adulthood, but more importantly it will promote understanding in a very safe and secure setting. It’s the fictional characters that are being judged not the children themselves, and not necessarily any outside group or people. As there are often reasons not to support particular groups or people for the sake of their ideals or behaviors, it is better for parents to offer these reasons specifically rather then to pass on an unquestioned wholesale attitude that children might only pick up in snippets of conversations.
Parents have always been, and ought to remain their children’s primary educators. Schools offer supplemental education, much of it useless, whereas parents offer real education that is far more practical, and meaningful to their children’s lives. Finding opportunities to extend that education is harder as parents are getting crowded out of their children’s activities. Having a set time every day to relax, be together as a family, and talk about things, even fictional characters is very useful. But will it influence how well those children succeed life?
The answer is a positive YES!
How Language Affects Life
A recent study discovered that the number one indicator of how successful a child would become later in life, was not wealth, or opportunities for education, but rather vocabulary, and what kind of words that child learns at home. Children with higher vocabularies preformed much better than their peers in almost every field of study even if it was not necessarily language related. Because of this, great efforts have been made to artificially improve vocabulary in the schools, but this is most easily done through reading a word in the context of a story that matter’s to oneself, than by memorizing the random definitions of words that the child could not imagine a real use for on their own.
Even parents aren’t always sure of the exact meanings of words in every instance. Many people when they read alone seldom go to the trouble of fully defining an individual word if they think they get the general idea of what it should mean in that context, but they are often wrong. Reading out loud to others is different as there is an inclination to seek out the definitions to words to help better describe the story for everyone’s benefit, and thereby get a clearer picture of what’s happening. Having Dad as a reader and Mom as a dictionary improves children’s vocabulary, greatly increasing their chances at academic and financial success in life, as they gain more respect from their peers.
Think about it, what is one of the first things we use in judging another person’s intelligence or capacity. It is their vocabulary, or lack thereof. Do doctors, lawyers, and Hair stylists use different kinds of language? Much of going to college is really about get the vocabulary to be fully accepted in that field. It’s a better proof of education than a certificate on a wall. A higher vocabulary means a higher status in life.
Reading out loud can also be an opportunity for improving language skills in other languages as well. Fathers who are blessed with being able to speak another language besides the common one to their culture have the ability and opportunity through FATHER READS TM to pass on their knowledge of that language including the special cultural information contained in it to their children. If reading out loud is done from the time a child is an infant they will likely be a fluent speaker when they grow up. This is also an opportunity for men to keep their language skills in use so that they don’t lose them due to lack of interaction with the cultures that spawned it.
This might also be an opportunity to teach a spouse a language if there is a need or desire to do so. This can only help intercultural marriages as consistent effort is made to bridge such divisions through reading and understanding the difference in cultural norms. Language itself is best described as a passport, with the right passports an individual can walk in many different kinds of circles and find acceptance and opportunities there, whether that be for the sake of ones career or discovering a cultural heritage the benefits are substantial. But it can also be used as a means to bind generations of family together.
How FATHER READS TM Impacts the Larger Family.
What happens to a family that has the opportunity to dive into a single story for a great length of time: discussion occurs, and questions arise, oftentimes outside of the allotted reading time. The family learns to think as one. As smart or powerful as any person out there might really be, they will always be less intelligent and less strong than people who know how to think and cooperate together with others. Families that read together, think together, and often find resolutions to each other’s problems. But the influence of that family group can also be expanded.
Cousins are interesting to us, mostly because they are people allot like our siblings and parents, but not quite so. They carry on many of our peculiar genes and family traditions, but they also have another set of genes and traditions from outside the family. There is very natural curiosity there, which is seldom tapped into because so few of us live close enough to our cousins to really get to know them. If on the other hand families of siblings chose by consent to read the exact same book together they would create an instant discussion point and bond that could expand across distance and age barriers. Using the internet, children would find more to talk about with their cousins, aunts and uncles, who should be more important to them than the infrequent web surfers who post random comments and who often relies heavily on the too fragile social connection the internet provides.
The internet can be used by family members to better maintain important relationships between siblings and parents even later in life, if it is connected and correlated to the FATHER READS TM program. It can be a benefit to Grandparents as well in dealing with empty nests and their need for more interaction with their loved ones.
Networking is a reality of the new age we are in, we can either use it to help promote the strength of our families, or we can stand by idly and watch it tear them apart. As Society has become more networked it has also become astonishingly less connected through human interaction, more prone to loneliness and despair. In that atmosphere children are more disposed to poor behavior, unsavory friends, and bad decision making, the consequences of which can be very dire. They are depending on their fathers to make the right decisions now, and to lead them safely forward into the challenges ahead.
History proves that D.A.D. needs an upgrade from time to time. What was sufficient fatherhood in the past will no longer be sufficient for the future. But for all the arguments against men they are still the sturdiest and most reliable creature God has ever created for the job of fatherhood. In short men are irreplaceable, but they function best when they have a clear understanding of their gender role and why what they do is so important.
FATHER READS TM is so simple, so direct, so easy and fun, there isn’t any other way to describe it but blessed. To use your free version of this amazing product and upgrade your D.A.D. parental unit simply download this document through the visual or auditory stimulus of your D.A.D. located at the four access ports on three sides of the head. Be sure that the document completely reaches the hard drive. If it is aborted trying downloading it again, several attempts may be required if you get blocked by firewalls, but FATHER READS has a special common sense feature that will disarm most superfluous firewalls on the first attempt. Make sure your D.A.D. runs the program consistently and marked improvement will be noted almost immediately. Then sit back and watch as your D.A.D. 2000 parental unit performs like never before.
Warning! Some D.A.D. units are subject to factory recall because they lack a sense of humor processor. Do not attempt any type of download until the problem is fixed. Find the warrantee and serial number on the box it came in then have it shipped to P.O. Box 20478 Little Rock, Arkansas. Some repaired units have an acquired southern drawl, a taste for biscuits and gravy, and at odd intervals may play banjo music unexpectedly. This is completely normal, but under no circumstances should they be permitted to participate in politics or run for president.
My earnest thanks to syndicated columnist Kathleen Parker of the Washington Post. You believed in men when allot of men have stopped believing in ourselves. Thank you for never giving up on us, and refusing to dismiss the importance of our sex when it is so popular today to do so. Fatherhood should not be presented as the perpetual butt end of a joke, it’s just too important for that. I’d suggest a new upgrade for M.O.M. 2000, but I can’t think of a single one. And somehow I think they always self-upgrade anyway.
